Monday, August 08, 2005

lucky chaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrms

Thats just for you Joe... and for those who have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, Joe told me the worst joke EVER... so bad that I've renamed it a Joek instead of a Joke. Actually I just made a typo and liked it. But anyway. He said that he was a uhhh "scurvy pirate" and then told me that a pirate's favorite cereal is lucky chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrms.... WORST JOEK EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, August 06, 2005


I love henry so much!

Friday, July 22, 2005

I am Ben again

Originally uploaded by foodisgoodmmfood.

I am Ben again


Thursday, July 21, 2005

Fuck guys. But not like that. Yet...

I hate guys. And mulch. And summer. Actually I don’t hate summer, I just hate the boredom that comes along with it. I think I might go to bed soon. Okay, just kidding... I just discovered that it is 9:15. How depressing. I woke up 8 hours ago, and I already prefer ignorant unconsciousness to actually knowing whats going on. What I’ve been listening to for the last hour is a little strange too. I went from Papa Roach, to Ben Folds Five, to The Used, to Cold, to The Goo Goo Dolls, to The Blood Brothers, and somehow back to Papa Roach again. I hate computers. I finally fixed my internet. I was happy that it was fixed for about a half hour, and now I think I’d prefer it if it was useless again. It’s like... wanting to talk to someone really bad for a long time, talking to them, and then realizing it would’ve been better if you’d never met them at all. And I SWEAR thats just a metaphor. Something to get you, whoever the fuck you are, to understand what I’m trying to say. Definitely not reality. Hell no... Generally I would write more than this. But, I think I’ve pretty written all I ever should. More probably, considering I don’t know who you are. Throughout the time I’ve been writing this, I seem to have chewed the skin around the nail on my thumb to shreds. I only just noticed, and it’s bleeding rather a lot. I’m an idiot.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

More Lyrics

I know posting lyrics is sort of cheating, so these are the last ones. These are from this song by Seether I was listening to with my brother on the way home from some place. It was really depressing... so here it is. It's called "Driven Under."

Do you think I'm faking
when I'm lying next to you?
Do you think that I am blind
nothing left for me to lose?
Must be something on your mind
something lost and left behind
Do you know I'm faking?

Do you know I'm faking
when I'm lying next to you?
Do you know that I am blind to everything you ever do?
Must be something on your mind
something lost for me to find
Do you know I'm faking?

Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before on him
Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before, oh man

I guess you know I'm faking
when I tell you I love you
I guess you know that I am blind
to everything you say and do
Must be something on my mind
there's nothing left for me to hide
Do you know I'm faking?

Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before on him
Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before, oh man

We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face
I need you. I breathe you.
I can't go through this all again.
We have to succumb to
the feelings we can never face I need you.
I breathe you. I can't go through this

Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before

Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before on him
Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before, oh man
Then she told me she had a gun
she says she wants to use it on me now

Those are my last depressing lyrics ever, so you'd better appreciate them. Don't think that that isn't a good song... it is... and I liked it so I guess thats why the lyrics are on here now. But lyrics on blogs are boring... so I'm done with that forever. And I'll have you know that my entire blog is all of a sudden sorely lacking comments... which I don't appreciate, and don't tell me you can't comment on lyrics, because thats bullshit. I guess I'll actually WRITE something soon, but I don't know what, I can't think of anything to write ever so I guess thats why I haven't. Try to comment... if you want. I'll write something real soon. Bye.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Sad Lyrics... :'(

I've listened to this song a billion billion times because it makes me really sad... I have no idea why, it just does... It's called "Buried Myself Alive" and it's by The Used... here are the lyrics if you care... the other song that makes me even sadder makes me fall asleep every time I listen to it... and I guess I'll put the lyrics for it here too... though the lyrics aren't really what makes me sad, it's the song I guess... but here you go:
"Buried Myself Alive"
You almost always pick the best times
To drop the worst lines
You almost made me cry again this time
Another false alarm
Red flashing lights
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
And let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
So I could shut you out
And let you go away for a long time

I guess it's okay I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask

I think the chain broke away
And I felt it the day that I had my own time.
I took advantage of myself and felt fine
But it was worth the night
I caught an early flight and I made it home

(Repeat Chorus)
Nicer than that (2x)

With my foot on your neck
I finally have you
Right where I want you (4x)

(repeat chorus)
Nicer than that

I guess it's okay I puked the day away. (Nicer than that)
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way.(Nicer then that)
And if you want me back,
You're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that

"Blue and Yellow"
And it's all in how you mix the two
And it starts just where the light exists
It's a feeling that you cannot miss
It burns a hole through everyone that feels it

Well you're never gonna find it
If you're looking for it
Won't come your way yeah
Well you'll never find it
If you're looking for it (looking for it)

Should've done something
But I've done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste some time with you

And you never would have thought it in the end
How amazing it feels just to live again
It's a feeling that you cannot miss
It burns a hole through everyone that feels it

Well you're never gonna find it
If you're looking for it
Won't come your way yeah
Well you'll never find it
If you're looking for it (looking for it)

Should've done something
But I've done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste some time with you

Should've said something
But I've said it enough
By the way my words were faded
Rather waste some time with you

(Time with you...Time with you...
Time with you...Waste some time
with you...Waste some time with you)

Should've done something
But I've done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste my time with you

Should've said something
But I've said it enough
By the way my words were faded
Rather waste my time with you

Should've done something
But I've done it enough
By the way my hands were shaking
Rather waste some time with you

(Waste some time with you...Waste
some time with you...Waste some time
with you...Waste some time with you...
Waste some time with you...Waste some
time with you...Waste some time with you...
By the way your hands were shaking rather
waste some time with you)

Sorry the fonts are fucking up a little... or the sizes rather... they aren't really cooperating... but oh well, those are my lyrics for today...

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Another one

I am officially never doing another of these ever again, but I said I'd put this on here, so I am. Read it if you want, it's boring, I promise.

1. First grade teacher's name: Tom
2. Last person you kissed: Don't remember
3. Last word you said: "look what you did"
4. Last song you sang: It's not me (thats a song, i promise)
5. Last person you hugged: Don't remember... probably same one I kissed...
6. Last thing you laughed at: Myself, when I ran into my door
8. What's in your CD player: Nothing, listening to mp3 player
9. What socks are you wearing: none
10. What's under your bed: lets not go into that...
12. Current taste: m&ms im eating
13. Current hair style: you call that a 'style'?
14. Current clothes: uhhhh shirt and pants...
15. Current Job: sit at home and do nothing job
16. Current longing: to leave my house!!! even if its not for long!
17. Current desktop picture: a picture josh took at school
18. Current worry: not so current, but im gonna get dumped
19. Current hate: summer
20. Story behind your username: which one?
21. Current favorite article of clothing: i dont have a favorite...
23. Last CD that you bought: Don't remember... mightve been Skillet
26. Time you wake up in the morning: 11:30 or something
27. If you could play a new instrument, what would it be? i play an instrument, but lets not talk bout that
29. Current favorite word/saying: riblet so much fun to say
30. Favorite books: dunno...
31. Favorite Movie: ahhhh Definitely don't know that
32. Favorite Song: Currently, Gone Away, by Cold, but maybe Cycle Down by Skillet
34. One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Zeich, but I just want to talk to him once, then never ever see him again
35. Favorite day: Saturday, but maybe Thursday
36. Where do you want to go: out of my house!
37. What is your career going to be: no idea
39. What kind of car will you have: BMW Z4... jk, ill be poor as hell
40. A random lyric: you're stuck on a chain...
41. Eye Color: Blue, but Henry claims they're green sometimes
42. Hair Color: brown, the ugly one
43. Righty or Lefty: righty
44. Innie or Outtie: Innie
45. Your middle name: Beane... ahhhh get it away
46. The shoes you wore today: none
47. Your hair: is one of the most horrible things anyone will ever have the misfortune to meet
48. Your weakness: which one?
50. Your most recent secret? why would i TELL you?
51. Your thoughts first waking up: why the fuck am i awake?
52. The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: eyes
53. Your bedtime: as long as im in the general vicinity of my bedroom... none exactly
54. Your most missed companion: Ben
55. Your perfect pizza: its all pizza isn't it?
56. Sweet and Chewy or Salty and Crunchy: sweet and chewy... mmmm
57. Single or group dates: single...
58. Dogs or Cats: dogs
59. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: eeeeeeew
60. Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.. mmmm
61. Cappuccino or Drip: dont care
62. Smoke: not anymore
63. Curse: hahahaha if you knew me you wouldnt ask that
64. Sing: not if i want to protect nearby objects from shattering
65. Take a shower everyday: when i can
66. Have a crush: wow... nobodys asked me that in a while
67. Think you've been in love: yeah...
68. Want to go to college: wanna get away from here
69. Want more than what you've got: usually not
70. Want to get married: dunno
71. Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: haha, yes
73. Think you?re a health freak: i dont think health is really the word to describe me...
74. Get along with your parents: depends
75. Play an instrument: unfortunately...
76. Drink: mmmmmmm...
77. Smoke: already asked this
78. Done a drug: whos business is this???
81. Eaten an entire box of Oreos: yes
83. Been dumped: yes
84. Made homemade cookies: yesterday
86. Dyed your hair: haha yes
87. Stolen anything: not intentionally
88. Had too much to drink: yes
89. Been caught cheating: yes
90. Been called a tease: many things, but not that
91. Gotten beaten up: nope
92. Changed who you were to fit in: not intentionally, but probably
93. Cried at something beautiful: weird question, dont think so
94. Spent too much money on something you didn't need: hell yes
95. Cried when someone died: yes
96. Been so angry you cried: yes
97. Lied for attention: im sure i have at some point..
98. My name is: Grace Beane Stanley
99. Height: 5'6
101. Love is: not necessarily a good thing
102. If I could see one person right now: Ben

Crazy picture

Originally uploaded by missdevil07.
This is a picture that Jeramie took with her phone... but I like it, so I'm putting it on here. I don't think Hannah knows it's here... but its worth it just because this picture is so great.

Once again, I am Ben

I was going to hack onto Grace's Flickr acount, (which i already did) but then she changed the password. i was ogingto put this picture in this post, but i can no longer do that. so you can pretend that i did post the picture and use your imagination as ot what the picture is.


Once again, Ben has hacked onto my account. So, ignore that. Mwahahaha.

Monday, June 20, 2005

My evil, evil plan

Originally uploaded by missdevil07.
Okay, so this is my horribly evil evil plan. I have many a more picture I could use for an evil plan too. So ha. I keep wondering what it is that Ben is doing to Henry, but I have no idea, and I don't think I ever will. Haha... I'm so evil. Now, I know how to be evil at any time I want! Haha this is great. Maybe I'll put a good picture on here at some point... Yeah I think I will... but for now, I will go revel in my evilness, and I'll be back later. Probably.

Yawn. It's early.

I wrote this a long time ago... I got it over email and it says I got it on May 1st... I did add stuff though... and delete some stuff.... so for the people who made me send it to them, yeah, I know it isn't quite the same as you might've seen it, but I'm putting it on here anyway cuz I have nothing better to write, and I'm attempting to stop people from telling me to write stuff all the time. So here.

1. What time is it? 4:50 PM
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate: Grace Beane Stanley
3. Nickname: Gracie, (I HATE that name) bitch... haha it goes on.
4. Piercings: 2 on one ear 1 on the other
5. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theater?: Sahara
6: Eye color: Blue (NOT GREEN HENRY)
7. Place of birth: Chapel Hill, NC... (A CLOSET!!)
8. Favorite foods: I like food. Leave off the carcasses please.
9. Ever been to Africa: No
10. Ever been toilet papering: Yes, actually.
11. Love someone so much it made you cry: Yes... I'm so ashamed...
12. Been in a car accident: Yes.. who hasn't?
13. Croutons or bacon bits: considering I don't eat meat... I'll go for the croutons.
14. Favorite day of the week: The end of Friday... after school. If it's summer, Thursday, idk why.
15. Favorite restaurants: Anywhere with food...
16. Favorite flower: One of those carnivorous flowers that are really exciting...
17. Favorite sport to watch: Meh... don't care.
18. Favorite drink: Dr. Pepper.
19. Favorite ice cream: Half baked... Ben and Jerry's!!! (Mmmm...)
20. Disney or Warner Brothers: Warner Brothers... Disney irritates me.
21. Favorite fast food restaurant: Subway
22. What color is your bedroom carpet: Don't have carpet.
23 How many times did you fail your driver's test: GONNA GET THERE!!!! And I won' t fail, watch me
24. Before this one, from who did you get your last e-mail: Henrique...
25. Which store would you choose to Max out your credit card: Don't have a credit card... I'm broke :( But if I did, BEST BUY!!! I love my music... sometimes...
26. What do you do most often when you are bored: Call Henry... go on IM... eat.
28. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest: Who says I'm sending this to anyone?
29. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond quickly: Henry... BITCH!
30. curious about their responses to this questionnaire: Don't think anyone will respond
31. Favorite TV shows: SIMPSONS!!!
32. Last person you went to dinner with: I don't remember... probably my family though...
33. Ford or Chevy: Hate American made cars... Germans are so much better... BMW Z4!!! haha, I'll never have enough money, but I can still pretend I will...
34. What are you listening to right now? The Used, In Love and Death
35. What is your favorite color: Black and red
36. Lake, Ocean or river: Lake... I'm sort of scared of sharks... as much as I hate to admit it...
37. How many tattoos do you have: Hahaha....
38. Time you finished this e-mail: 5:02
39. Which came first? God or Evolution? I'm an atheist...
40. How many people are you sending this e-mail to: Haven't sent it yet
41. Date of birth - leave off your year of birth if you wish: November 27th 1990
42. Have u ever had a bf or gf? Yeah, dunno if thats a good or bad thing though...

So that was my really great question thing. Actually, it kind of sucked. But shhhh... This is sort of boring... comment if you want...

Thursday, June 16, 2005



comment of goodness

This is a comment and it's so good you have no idea what I'm saying. So ha. Mwahahaha this is Grace's blog of goodness.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Dunno what I'm talkin bout

Okay so. I’m really pissed off. But you don’t need to know about that. I was just saying that so that if I sound particularly morbid or something you know. I’m just pissed off. Nothing to do with what I’m writing about. Actually I don’t know what I am gonna write about. I was just sitting here feeling pissed off and alone and I realized. What the hell, I’ll write on my blog! So here I am, feeling stupid, alone, pissed off, and incredibly friendless considering I’m spending my summer writing on my fucking blog. Damn. That looks a lot worse in writing than I thought it would. “Feed Henry a carrot.” Now that I’ve written that, I have no idea why. Maybe one day I will feed Henry a carrot just to ‘fulfill my destiny.’ My destiny sucks. And now, this song is making me really really sad. It’s making me cry for the second time lately, and I’m so goddamn tired of being in the weirdest fucking mood ever that I want it to end. At whatever cost.
This is stupid. This is pointless. Why am I writing here? Of all the places for me to write shit like this, I never would have guessed that it would be the internet. But it is.
Okay, you know how at the beginning of this, I said that if I sounded particularly morbid it didn’t have anything to do with what I’m writing about? Thats bullshit. Ignore it. Wow, this song isn’t as depressing as the last song, though you would think it would be considering practically the only lyrics are “you made it, you played it, your shit is overrated.” It’s a good song, actually. It just doesn’t seem like it right now I guess. WHAT THE FUCK AM I WRITING?! I have no idea. I should stop. But I have nothing better to do, so here I am, writing stuff I don’t understand, and you, whoever the hell you are, probably don’t either.
Now I don’t know what to write. That first whole part took me a total of what seemed like about 30 seconds to type. And then I sat there for what seemed like about 30 minutes. And now. I don’t know. I want to stop writing, but I sure as hell have nothing else to do. I know, I’ll tell you my old man story. Actually, I just realized I told you my old man story in the last post thing I wrote on here. So, if you want to hear my old man story, which you’ve probably already heard a billion times by now in times when I had nothing better to do, then look back at what I wrote before. It’s near the end. The part at Border’s.
I hate how songs give me such big mood swings. I always have really big mood swings anyway (damn femininity) Haha I spell checked that and it’s right. It was worth it just to know that femininity is a word. Anyway, now I don’t even remember what I was talking about. Oh well. This whole “post” thing or whatever is a waste of time. But I’m stalling anyway... Henry will NEEEEVER finish eating dinner it seems like. How long can it possibly take to eat dinner anyway? I dunno, but I can’t handle this anymore. All of this. Gonna end it or something... maybe I should run into a wall! Haha just kidding... haha I didn’t laugh, haha I didn’t then either. God I’m a fucking idiot. Enough of this, I’m stalling again, can you tell?

Monday, June 13, 2005

I am the anti-Dorothy

I haven’t written in here since the whole end of year business. So now I am. I have a feeling I’m going to write something really long. We’ll find out. Okay so, I guess I’ll start with Thursday.

I don’t really remember much... I remember our monologue thing. And it raining. Okay, so our advisee group was the one that had to take out all the recycling/trash in the MS, which is awesome because it requires just about the least effort of anything an advisee group can be assigned to do. So, I was outside taking out the recycling like a good little girl when I ran into a tree. And it started raining. Which sucked. But, I got pulled out of all that cleaning stuff early because our Monologue class had to read our monologues which are SOOO boring to the whole MS. Which we did, but some of them are so long, and supposed to be so deep I guess, that I just can’t handle it. I don’t really think deep thoughts, ever, so Ryans and mine ended up being stupid because we were sitting next to each other when we were typing and ended up sort of writing together, which resulted in one of the weirdest most undeep monologues ever. Which could be good I guess. I don’t even like monologues. I only realized this today, when I was on the phone with Henry, but I realized (ok, so I’m too stupid to realize it myself, it was really him who noticed it about me) that I HATE monologues. I don’t like feeling like I’m talking to myself, I’d much rather be holding a conversation with someone else. But this doesn’t matter at all, and its besides the point. No one cares. Time for a different day.

So, I remember the slide show. God, how can I ever forget. There were so many horrible horrible horrible pictures of me, from when I was a first or second year in MS, that made me want to go throw myself off a high area. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK it hurts just thinking about it. And lets all just pretend that I didn’t just “eek.” Then, a whlie after the slide show, came the epic last meeting for worship. I’ve decided meeting for worships should be called meeting for worshit, or meeting for war shit depending on how atheist I’m feeling at the moment. But anyway, Robert told me I was the anti-Dorothy, which was... not what I was expecting. Actually, I was expecting him to not say anything, just sort of shove the flower in my hand, which would die/wilt as soon as it touched my not so angelic skin, and tell me to sit down, we would discuss whether or not I was actually being allowed to go to US later. But no. He called me the anti-Dorothy, told me I was someone he could trust, which was even more unexpected, considering I’m the one who has tormented him endlessly for the last four years. Then he made me hug him, which we actually HAD practiced before hand, he trusted me, but not enough to give him a hug at the end of my graduation. How ironic. Then, I was subjected to a 40 minute session of pure Molli monologue. And remember how I said I don’t like monologues? Well I don’t. But, I REALLY don’t like a Molli monologue. It’s like supersizing something that was already bad enough. Probably the most surprising thing about this whole morning, was when two people actually said things about me. Voluntarily. As in, by their own choice, they said something about me. Well, they could’ve been bribed, but I’m hoping not. They made me very happy, and I felt a little less hated when that whole thing was over. It was ridiculous. Ridiculously ridiculous. Haha, if you don’t know what I’m talking about there, don’t try to figure it out. And if now you’re curious, don’t worry, theres no deep meaning behind it or anything. Actually, I don’t know what I’m talking about. Wow, I’m crazy.
I went out to lunch with my parents after the whole “graduation” business, and got really good food. Mmmm pancake. Then I went home, and proceeded to feel alone and lonely, so I did what I always do when I feel alone and lonely. No, not write in my blog like Rebecca (ever wondered why she writes in there so much?) But call someone. Usually Henry because hes my victim. His number is programmed into my hand, if I’m not thinking specifically of calling someone else, its his number that will show up on the screen without me even realizing it. Watch me be in a near fatal collision one day or something, and be suffocating and accidentally dial his number.... ANYWAY, I automatically called Henry, and I’m not really sure what happened, but about 45 minutes later, I found myself being driven to Henry’s house by my dad. So, I stayed there for about 2 hours before I went to Rebecca’s house. Ben exploded a bag of pasta all over Henry’s floor, and Dylan ate his flower, saying it tasted really good (not true, it was DISGUSTING.) Soon after that I was at Rebecca’s house, where Joe and Maxine fought Ben and me for this room. Ben won completely fairly from rock paper scissors, but Maxine and Joe decided to be difficult, and bothered us for a long amount of time. Then they finally went away, but Margolis and Juliette never did. So I clawed Margolis later. Kind of stupid actually, but I did anyway. In my defense, I was frustrated, and he was being an asshole, so I couldn’t help it.

I hardly did anything on Saturday. This guy came to our house, hes my dad’s friend, and gave us 8 guitars and an amp, which was really awesome. So I messed around with those for a while, and went to Caitlin’s graduation dessert thing for a while, where I stocked up on brownies and then came home again. Then I messed around with the guitars again, and somewhere in there, I got myself into one of the weirdest moods I’ve ever been in. I’m still sort of in it actually, but its milder now, then, it was crazy. All of a sudden, I hated all the music on my mp3 player. All of it. Which for me, is one of the craziest things to happen ever. Generally, when I get really really pissed off/really really sad all at once, like I did then, music is what makes it all better, but when I’m really pissed off/really really sad, and the music is only making it worse... thats when I feel really weird. This also all explains why my left hand currenly has black nail polish on it, and my right hand has purple. Thats how weird my mood was.

I had to get up really early, at eight, which is insane for the summer. Not okay. But I got up to go to Border’s or whatever with Jeramie and Lauren so I could have spanish. But, my parents being stupid got me there 20 minutes early, and I was left to wander around until they Jeramie/Lauren got there. So, I was looking at all the music stuff, and it had the magazines and stuff, which was next to the big crazy rack of playboy magazines. And these two creepy old men came in and were looking at the playboy and talking about it and then one of them asked me about it and I got really scared and ran away. Luckily Jeramie came and saved me, but it was really bad right then.
Later, I went to Anna Ruth’s house, which was really awesome, she has one of the best houses ever, and then to Jordan Lake, where I got really sunburnt, and then to this chinese restaurant, where I almost flashed the person at the table next to us accidentally (it wasn’t my fault!) And then back to Anna Ruth’s house where we watched Superstar, which is supposedly Ryan’s favorite movie of all time. I ate icecream and then fell asleep (no thanks to Molli.)

So thats my really great story. Sorry I haven’t written in here in such a long time. Remember? i don’t like monologues. And thats all this is. I hate it. Oh well. I do not however, hate comments. Hint hint. Wow I didn’t curse much this time. Goodbye.

Saturday, June 04, 2005


I leave for the beach for one measly week and I come back and.... *sigh* my blog has gotten larger... and without my knowledge!! Actually I don't care... actually it made me happy for some weird reason... maybe it's just because it was Benified and everything seems better once its been Benified. Haha "been Benified." Where did he/you get that by the way? It isn't on my profile anymore... and it was on my computer.... so how'd you/he retrieve it?? Did you/he get on my aim account? You've/he's been (haha) signing onto my accounts again!! *sigh* and I only left for a week... although I have to say it felt like a lot longer than a week... Henry kept saying it was going by really fast... but I didn't think so... it wasn't cuz it was Henry who was there, he was awesome. It's just.... I missed here... or more specifically the people who are here... who are currently avoiding me/hating me/about to dump me/making me paranoid...
I would like all of you reading this to know that despite my plea for emails while I was gone, I got ONE. ONE. Shall I repeat that number? ONE. UNO. A PITIFUL NUMBER. I even posted my email address on the internet and yet... ONE.
I should Graceify Ben's blog... actually I don't have the ability, I don't know the password... but I'm still tempted... hack into it or something... MWAHAHAHA!!!!
See Joe, I did write in my blog. And Ben does NOT write more in my blog than I do... see, write write write, I win. I'm hungry... I must depart... I WOULD eat nachos, but NOOO.... Henry ate all the cheese. And the chips too... *sigh* Oh well... I'll live.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

I am Ben once more.

I'm Ben and here's something i did while screwing around on grace's compter once:

Well fuck that
And fuck her
And ben him
And fuck you
For not having the ben in your benTo ben through
I've had doubts
I ben failed
I'd fucked up
I've had plans
Doesn't ben I should take my own heart in my hands...
And if that ben don't ben and that ben don't ben
I'mma ben that birdies ben I'd go ben to the jewler who sold it to ben
And ben him eat every carat don't ben with ben (haha)

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

I am Ben

I am Ben.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Today is yesterdays tomorrow...

No, I didn't make that up. I'm too stupid to make up something as awesome as that. Samantha made it up, and told me it a long time ago, but I just remembered so I felt like writing it here. Lets just not tell her it's here shall we? Guess what I'm listening to???!!! I don't really like the song that much, but its been stuck in my head for the last two weeks or so, so I thought I had to listen to it once again. so I am. It's The Streets!!! Guess which song??!! "Fit but you know it!" Wow... I can't believe I'm listening to it... well actually I'm not, I'm watching it... but oh well...
I just got back from The Smokies! I benefited greatly with a lollipop the size of my head from Gatlinburg. (No bigger, don't worry I'm not stupid) (On second thought, I am stupid. Don't even try to contest that, we all know it's true.) Okay so... The Smokies were really awesome... they made me very happy... and it wasn't just the mountains that made me very happy... My poetry was sadly lacking... but what else is new??!! Here, I'll share my beautiful poem that was supposed to summarize the entire trip with you. Ahem...
Although I thought my legs would hurt a ton
in all this day has been really fun
the afternoon in Gatlinburg had lots of sun
but the time was short and I had to run

The picnic we had was covered with grease
the animal killers should be called by police
but the food we consumed did not consist of geese
and afterwards my stomach hurt not in the least

The water at Greenbriar was very cold
and the mountains around us were really old
the towels on my bed became covered with mold
at Gatlinburg to me a massive lollipop was sold

Well that was my poem... I know you loved it. Haha, just kidding, I'm sorry I made you suffer through it. Well... I'm very happy. Maybe you know why. Although I must say... I'm getting sadder and sadder by the moment. I'm skipping my second week of exploratorium, which would have been Sculptures (yes, I'm very happy to be out of it) and I'm going to the beach with my family + Lauren and Henry instead. It should be fun I guess, but... I'll be unhappy. I've discovered from experience that it's difficult to be happy and be 600 miles away from Ben at the same time. But I'll come back... and my happiness will be restored once more. I just hope he won't hate me once I've returned. I would go throw myself down a hole if that were true... but I know you don't care about this... so I'll stop making you listen to my misery, and I'll complain to myself. All alone and sad.
I hope everyone has an awesome time in their second week of exploratorium... I don't know if any of the people reading this are in "Backyard Fiddles and Banjos," but if you are, sorry I'm pulling Henry out of the class... it might be for the best for you all. Just kidding. Sort of.
I'm still very happy about Smokies... but very sad about the week ahead. As you've heard. But I've bitched enough for now, I'll be back. As usual, I love comments and hope I'll get plenty, you know it's been a while since I've written anything... if you email me while I'm gone I promise to email you back when I return... unless you're trying to sell me Cialis or Viagra, because I am getting tired of these emails from people convinced I have a penis. I DON'T OKAY??!!

Monday, May 09, 2005

What is so great about talking about my boobs?

You know, I find it somewhat amazing that the posting or whatever it's called that got the most comments in my blog was one that isn't very long, and didn't have that much to talk about. I mentioned one line about the fact that I am convinced (still am) that my boobs are smaller than they were before Rebecca fell on me and flattened my chest, rendering me near flat. But I said this one small thing, and all of the sudden, I have a BILLION comments! Awesome! I should mention my boobs more often, just to see what happens. Meh, too much work.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

SO Happy

I am so happy. You have no idea. I was bitching and pissed on Friday, but Saturday was good. Rebecca fell on me and flattened my chest... who knows, I could be an A now. So sad.
I am sooo happy. HOLY SHIT... I don't even know what to do with myself. Friday I wanted to throw myself off a cliff because of depression, and today I'm inclined to throw myself off of a cliff due to happiness, and lack of knowing what to do...
Just so you know, all the comments are awesome. I really like them. I had written a lot more here, but my computer froze, and I lost everything I'd written. So it looks like actually what would have been really long here will be really short and sad. EXCEPT NOT. nothing can be sad right now. Nothing. You have no idea... or maybe you do, I don't know who you are, but I am really happy. Maybe I'm just suffering violent mood swings or something, but somehow, I don't think thats it.
Today, I am sad to say, Jeramie pestered me into doing not one, but TWO of those email test things. So I read all of her answers, deleted them, and sent them back to the three people who had sent me theirs to start with. I'm so proud of myself. If you want my test, for some reason, maybe you're just bored and feel like reading my answers, or maybe you want to answer it yourself, I don't know, but if you happen to want it, tell me and I'll give it to you.
This still isn't as long as the one I wrote before my computer froze, but what are you gonna do? I'm not in the mood to be angry. Not by a long shot... lalalala... please comment on this, you know I love it. Really, I do.

Friday, April 29, 2005

This sucks

This sucks. Everything sucks. Existing sucks. I'm sad and alone and it's early in the morning and I feel like throwing myself off some high place that I wouldn't return from once I was through. I don't even know why I'm writing in here right now. This is pointless. Sorry to bother you.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

In a good mood for once...

Okay. So I’m a little frustrated with myself. I’ll get over it, long story. Mmmm food is really good. I ate four dinners tonight, which was good. I’ll be so fat when I’m older... but I’ll be so happy about it it won’t matter. I am currently waiting for Henry to call me back, because Henry, being one of the only responsible people I know, is actually doing homework on a Saturday night. BEFORE the last second. Now why would anyone want to finish something before the last second? I don’t understand at all.
This morning, I got up at 9:30. Now, I don’t know who you are, you could be anyone reading this, but if you’re someone who doesn’t really know me that well, 9:30 is NOT the time I generally get out of bed. Especially not on a perfectly boring Saturday morning like this one was. (What Saturday mornings aren’t??) So I went to bed at about 1:30 in the morning, which is actually early for me, believe it or not, and then got up a mere eight hours later. Okay, so I did get thirteen hours of sleep the night before, but thats besides the point. Okay, I expect you’ve heard enough about this now.
I haven’t written in here in a while have I? Nope, I haven’t. I don’t really write in here that often, I don’t have much to write, but I have actually been informed by several crazy people that the things I write in here are entertaining. (entertaining? me?) I thought I was the most boring person ever. No competition. But I’m honored that at least one person believes otherwise. I’ll delete this once they’ve been carted off the the mental hospital.
If you’re looking at this, you got here through my profile. Probably. Just so you know, the ummm... “change” in my profile was not my doing, it was vandilized. I’m not going to say by whom... you can read it if you’d like... see if you can possibly tell who did it. Here, I’ll help you even. I’ll copy and paste it in here:

Well fuck that
And fuck her
And ben him
And fuck you
For not having the ben in your ben
To ben through
I've had doubts
I ben failed
I'd fucked up
I've had plans
Doesn't ben I should take my own heart in my hands...
And if that ben don't ben and that ben don't ben
I'mma ben that birdies ben
I'd go ben to the jewler who sold it to ben
And ben him eat every carat don't ben with ben (haha)

But I still won’t tell you who did it.
On Thursday we had the color day business as you probably know. I was yellow. In the yellow color group I mean. I myself was not yellow. Nor am I currently yellow. But enough with that. It was, truthfully, one of the worst days in middle school I have ever survived, and yes, survived is the correct word for that sentence. Okay, so I’ve had worse days before, but all of those were my fault, this one was the school’s fault. And NC State. I’ll just hope that never happens again.
During this horrible color day business, we had to do some weird ‘presentation’ shit that didn’t even make sense. Of course, everyone who was doing the same thing as me were all first years, Luke, and Thomas. Meaning that I had to go from wanting to die, to avoiding horrible smells, to avoiding sexual harrassment for the whole morning. So, with all of these oh so wonderful people to choose from to ‘present’ our shitty, and frankly, incredibly fucked up poem thing, I was forced, seconds before our group had to start talking, to go up and tell the whole fucking middle school what our ‘happy little group’ had spent their morning learning about yellow. (What can you learn from a color anyway?) So, under the forcification (probably not a word, but it should be) of everyone around me, I said some stuff about our poem, or whatever it was, told a few annoying first years to shut up while I was trying to talk, and was then done with our group. I felt stupid and useless for a while, but of course, my feeling of stupidity was saved when Henry ‘presented’ for his group, impersonating what seemed to be a pirate, but what I later learned was the sea captain from the Simpsons. He was in the purple group. With people who didn’t smell like shit, or try to sexually harrass him. But I still felt less stupid when his part was over.
I was later informed by Maddy, that I was “quite entertaining to watch present.” Haha, I’m sure I was, I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about, so I just stared at the floor, and read what little we had managed to produce in the four or five hours of hell we had endured together that morning. And yet I was entertaining. I don’t know whether I should be honored or not.
I have now written the longest entry thing in this ‘blog’ (I’m finally getting used to calling it a blog) yet. And yet it seems like the most boring. But I say that every time. Although, this one seems a bit different from the others, also because it actually writes about something that happened. Really actually happened. Not just little parts of things I’ve noticed lately, or how boring whatever it is that I’m writing at that moment is, but something realistic and truthful that I actually experienced first hand. But it still isn’t interesting. Maybe I should stick to the little parts of things I’ve noticed lately.
I want a Reese’s. You know what that reminds me of? Henry’s shirt. You know what that reminds me of? I’m sure you don’t, because I don’t know either. Actually, now I’m thinking of disturbing things which I must now get out of my mind. That’s disgusting. Ahhh get it away!!! Get it AWAAAAY!!!! Mmmmm Reese’s... get it away, get it away!!! Mmmm Reese’s... okay, so I have ADHD... obviously. I feel like Homer when he’s running in between the TV, which no longer works because of the acid rain, and the acid rain. If you know anything about the Simpsons, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Hopefully.
It may be about time to end my reign of terror. If you’ve managed to read this far, I’m impressed. I know it gets sort of boring sometimes, but people tell me to write more anyway, so I end up doing it, when I’m bored and have nothing better to do. If you wish I’d never write anything more ever again because it REALLY sucks, then please tell me, I’ll stop, I promise. But if you end up actually liking it, you have two choices, or you could do both, if you’re really feeling crazy. No wait, three choices. And keep in mind that you could still do all three. Okay, so you could go get food, you could write a comment on this thing, and tell me that its actually acceptable, or, you could, and this is probably the best idea of the three (rivaled only by the getting food one, mmmm food) anyway, you could get carted off to the mental hospital, which is probably what you need to be doing if you actually like this thing in the first place. But oh well.
The other day, I had a revelation. Maybe revelation isn’t the right word, because its not like it was a godly experience or anything (considering I’m athiest) but I think that revelation is the best word I’m going to get to describe it. Anyway, the revelation consisted of me recieving the realization that I am indeed a bitch. Theres no other word to describe myself. And I know you don’t care, or in fact need to know this at all, considering you most likely had this same revelation about me ages ago, but I just thought I’d let all you oh so fascinated readers know, that I have indeed finally discovered the meaning of myself, and all my bitchiness. It’s just my nature.
I’m so intimidated by everyone else’s blogs. Even Joe’s, and you can’t say his is full of deep meanings or metaphors or anything like that. It’s just interesting, and only recently have I realized what a difficult feat this is to accomplish. Wow, look at all of those big words. I actually sounded smart for a second there. Me. Smart. Weird. Of course, I don’t anymore, since I’m contemplating the fact that I did sound smart for a moment there, and figuring out how weird it really was.
I should be doing my homework. I should always be doing my homework pretty much, and yet I practically never am. Good little Henry did his, and good little Jeramie started hers, and even good little Joe has realized he should be starting his. But not me, as usual, I’m a little slow on the uptake, and have therefore yet to discover that I should be doing my homework, even as I type.
I’m in a good mood. I’ve been in a good mood all day. I wasn’t in a good mood earlier in the week, but all today, I’ve been happy. I won’t mention that this could have something to do with my mother not being home most of the day. But that would be too bitchy a thing of me to do. Oh wait! I am a bitch! I can write evil, mean things about that then. Can and will. Later. When I’m less lazy and tired from my good mood day.
It may be time for this to end. I’m still convinced this was the most boring one yet, and that I should go back to writing about little, unimportant things that have happened recently. I probably will next time, but I’ve wasted too much of my life in front of my computer typing this to just delete it now and write something mildly interesting. So instead I’ll leave you hanging, awaiting whatever it is I write next, hopefully more interesting than my previous writing. We shall see.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

I'm getting good at bitching...

I feel SOOO alone. And sad. My house is empty, it’s late at night, I can’t be on the phone because everyone I would talk to is not where I can talk to them... this sucks. Our advisee “outing” won’t be the best either... I can’t really call it an outing because it’s actually just my whole advisee group comes to my house day. Joy. Hopefully no one will get killed by my bow. And if they do, it isn’t my fault, I had nothing to do with it. Nothing. Really. I could be doing homework right now, but that would be even more depressing than what I’m arleady doing. Actually maybe not considering what I’m doing is writing in my “blog” which I don’t really give a fuck about, but for lack of anything better to do, here I am, writing in it. Fuck. That probably gives you an idea of how sad and alone I really am. Not the fuck I mean, the fact that I’m writing in here. Nevermind. I keep forgetting that everyone else/everyone who reads this isn’t quite as crazy as me. Yet. But they will be soon if they keep reading this, or talking to me. I imagine I have a weird effect on others sometimes.
Maybe I shouldn’t listen to depressing music right now. It’s making me sadder. :( Maybe I’ll listen to Pearl Jam instead.... who knows?! And if you don’t know who Pearl Jam is... you really shouldn’t exist until you do.
We won our soccer game today... I almost died of tiredness, which was incredibly depressing considering I used to be able to run like crazy and not get tired, but now, just something short like that makes me tired... I have no life. And the fact that I’m writing about SOCCER, one of the many things I suck at, and just can’t do, in my blog, makes me feel even more alone.
Mmmm Reese’s. Henry’s shirt makes me hungry. The bright orange one that looks like a target and has a big Reese’s chocolate thing on the front that looks really edible.... Mmmm... I can taste it now. The chocolate, not Henry. Or his shirt. AHHHH!!!! Bad bad bad bad bad bad image! Get it away before I die! I don’t know how much longer I can handle it! And I don’t even have someone to tell me to “not think about it for 30 seconds” which of course will, make me think about it. But I am anyway. But now I’ve confused myself into submission, because I don’t even remember what it was that was disturbing me in the first place. And I don’t care to look up and find out. I’ll just NEVER read this again, and I’ll never have to know what was really horrible. Wow, funny that my longest paragraph thing so far is on chocolate and the disturbingness of something, I don’t really remember. But something. Mmmm chocolate... Okay, I think it’s time for this paragraph to end. It’s becoming pointless, and I hate things that are repetitive and lose their point. Because then they aren’t worth doing in the first place. And by ‘doing’ thats not what I mean you sick sick person. You’ve been around me too long whoever you are. Hahaha I have no idea who you are. You could be someone I really and truly detest. Who knows.
Guess what??!! Tomorrow, on the way to school (which is pointless in the first place because I’m just coming back home again for advisee outing) Caitlin is taking me to school, which is all completely fine and dandy, but guess who else she’s taking to school??!! Margolis! (If you’re Margolis reading this, sorry, I uhh dunno what I mean by this.... I’m confused remember? Stupid, oblivious to the world around me. Yep, thats me.) So, in the morning, despite being oh so excited (sorry, forgot you can’t see sarcasm when it’s typed) about having 10 crazy crazy people coming to my house, I get to look forward to a 20 minute (AHH!!! 20 minutes has never seemed so long before!) car ride with Margolis. I can’t wait.
Well, I think I have now bitched enough for this thing to go on my blog officially. I’m getting good at bitching. A strength of mine lets just say, and hell, I might as well admit it, I don’t have many of those. Now, I must depart. Comment on this, I swear I’ll read it, it’ll make me really happy. Comments make me happy. So go CRAAAAZY!!! And yes, I know you have to make an account on this crazy crazy account to make a comment. But trust me, it isn’t that difficult. And then you’ll have a blog of your very own! (Oh joyous day!) AND you can comment on mine! Seem worth it now??? I knew it did. I’ll talk to you whoever you are later. Mmmmm food. I am now going to eat. Food I mean... now I’m stalling. I have even less of a life when I start to stall when writing something on my blog. I’m done now!!!!

Monday, April 04, 2005

Okay, Okay, I'm writing something.

Okay. I need to write SOMETHING. But, I have absolutely no idea what... ok ok this will be really great. Mmmmm chocolate. I love chocolate. Actually, I love food. Except meat... anyway, this is not what I had "planned" on writing in here. But I didn't plan on writing anything, so that might be why. I never plan anything... okay, now I'm confusing myself. As usual. This is a GOOD candy cane. Really. Not that it matters, you don't care.
Okay, I'm really going to write something in here now. Hmmmm... ok... I had to get up at six today which was... "unpleasant" to say the least... I almost killed myself just trying to get out of my room it was so early. I forgot the door was shut AGAIN... and ran into it as usual... Goddamn door. Never cooperates with anyone... but thats not what I should be writing about here either. So what SHOULD I be writing about in here? Help me out here... I'm dying.
Apparently I have to go to a soccer game and sit on the bench tomorrow... sometimes it sucks to suck at everything... but I'll just pretend it'll be great, and no one has to know. Hmmm I’m bored... maybe I’ll bitch at Henry... I’m good at that. Did I mention that this is REALLY good chocolate??? Somehow I think I did... but oh well, it won’t hurt you to hear it again. Watch you die right now... haha... God this sucks. This is boring, and I can’t believe I’m actually spending my time writing in this fucking thing. I have no life. Obviously. But what the hell, what am I supposed to do about it?
I taught some person piano after school today... she didn’t understand what I was trying to say, and for good reason I guess, I didn’t understand what I was trying to say either. She just sat there with an expression that reminded me of the one you would see on the face of a deer in front of the headlight of your speeding car. But whatever. I’m still alive, and hopefully she is, so everything will be okay. One day.
The Simpsons have to be the best. Them and Southpark... I just spent a long time watching Henry’s Simpsons second season or whatever, and my brother’s Southpark dvd, which was... interesting. But it was fun anyway I guess, considering there was nothing better to do around here. Except eat dinner... mmm dinner.... damn that was good... Wow, I’ve actually written a lot here... how impressive of me. Of course there isn’t anything interesting in this whole thing, but what the hell, if you’ve taken the time to read all the way down to here, I’m doing pretty well. I think I’m going to call someone. Dunno who. But I’m bored... who can suffer my shit? Haha, maybe I won’t call someone...
My hair smells funny... wow, thats fascinating I know... Oh shit, I have to go to school tomorrow. Goddamn. I’d rather sit at my house in boredom than go there... But I do not have that choice... okay, I don’t know what I’m talking about, no one likes reading this, I don’t really like writing it, and I don’t know why I have it.
Even though this whole thing sucks, which it does, I admit it, it is really exciting for me to be able to come on here and find people who actually read it, and not only did they read it, they commented! The long ones are the most exciting, but the other ones are good too... not trying to insult Joe or anything. But in any case, I think it’s really great when people actually write a comment, even if they have nothing to say. Because it gives me something to do other than write yet another shitty thing in here. But anyway. I’ve written enough. If you read all this, thats great, and I don’t know how you did it. You should get some sort of award. Farewell.

Saturday, April 02, 2005


This will sound completely crazy to everyone who reads this I'm sure, but I'm sooo happy that school starts in 2 days. And not because of classes, classes suck, but so does my empty house, and I'm getting tired of it. But what the hell, I can handle it for another day.... can't I???
Anyway, I can't help but notice the lack of comments on my thingys!! It's so SAD!!! Maybe cuz hardly anyone has been here. But whos problem is THAT??? Not mine! I finished my American History homework... how amazing is that?? Pretty amazing. I knew you'd agree. Except not. This "blog" thing is so stupid, it just makes me feel stupid and alone, because I'm pretty much just talking to myself. And getting no replies. (Hint Hint) Plus, who made up the name "blog" anyway??? I mean how stupid is that??? Could they make a worse name? I guess they could. I mean, what if they'd called it dick? It's like "I'm going to go write on my dick now." And I'm not even a guy! How does THAT work??? Okay... I think whoever it is who's reading this may have had enough of my train of thought now. It's probably scaring you. But this really is how I think. Scary huh? Okay, now THIS time, I would really appreciate it if you guys would actually COMMENT on my "blog" (I just can't get over how stupid that name is) so I feel at least a little bit less like I'm talking to myself, all alone and sad. I really will read it! I'll even write back! Okay... I've had enough. You've had enough. This thing is over now. Goodbye. I'll come back later I'm sure. When I have nothing else to do.

Thursday, March 31, 2005


Not really. But now that I have your attention, I thought I'd write something REAAALLY important... now. as in, I write something important now. How bout I don't and we say I did??? Okay. Great. I'll sing you a song. LALAALALALALALAAAA. Wasn't that great??? I knew you'd think so... Write an AWESOME comment on this thing, because comments are exciting... YAAAY I'm excited now... I'll have to come back here a lot and see if anyone DID write anything. Although I doubt anyone will. So sad. Okay, I have now successfully written a hell of a lot of nothing... so goodbye...

Monday, March 28, 2005

I'm tired, alone, and sad...

It's spring "break," and I didn't go to sleep last night because I was doing homework with Jeramie. I did finish the learning center thing, but considering it took me a full 14 hours (no exaggerations there) that isn't particularly impressive. Plus it doesn't look that great. But fuck that, you and me (whoever you are) both know that it's over, and it no longer matters. It's in the past, meaning it needs to be forgotten because everything in the past sucks. Well not EVERYTHING, but a hell of a lot of it does.
Seems like everyone is gone or is leaving... not forever, they'll come back, but when you're sitting home alone for the whole time, it sure seems like it. Jeramie is about to leave, meaning that I will no longer have the ability to loudly complain to someone about having too much homework over "spring break." Henry has already left, meaning that I have no one to bitch mercilessly at, and Ben left a while ago, meaning that I can't concentrate on anything because I miss him. Stupid "spring break..." I think that for the first time in my life I'm going to go to bed now, at 9:23, or whatever it is...